Lying from you
by Euthanasine
Summary: Yaya is lying to herself to keep herself away from Hikari; Hikari can't seem to decide on which relationship she values more - Amane or Yaya.
1. The first lie

Hey guys, it's Jana! This is the first chapter of my new story, Lying from you. Enjoy, and please Read and Review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Strawberry Panic! or any of its characters. But if I did... oh, the fluffehness xD

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The first lie

_3 weeks... it has been three weeks since that fateful incident with Hikari. Three weeks since I broke her heart and mended it again, and also three weeks since my heart was broken..._

_Broken hearts all around, because of me. Sadness and indecision, because of me. That's not the worst part. I feel as if you are no longer there, Hikari... you're here in person, but did you truly forgive me? I need forgiveness... no. I need you..._

_Ugh. Stop it, Yaya. You've fantasized about her enough; just look where it got you. You had to act on your love at exactly the wrong moment, when she is already falling for someone else. What kind of friend are you, Yaya?_

_Not a very good friend, indeed... _

_A good friend should have supported her new relationship, not confusing it with their own personal problems. But that's the issue, right there..._

_After what I've done, I don't deserve Hikari. I don't deserve her laugh, her smile, her pouty face when she gets angry; none of it._

_I hurt her. I'm sorry, Hikari, for not being the friend you truly deserve..._

_I'm sorry..._

6 weeks after incident

I groaned in resignation. "Here we go again," I thought.

Standing in front of me was no other than Tsubomi Okukawa, the fiery pinkette. Any other day, that would have been fine with me. Problem is, I haven't been going to the Saintly Chorus rehearsals much... they remind me too much of a certain 'someone' who is in the Chorus with me.

"... Yaya, listen up!"

Her disuse of the customary honorific caused my head to come down from the clouds. "Hey, what happened to the senpai part?"

Her face flushed. She said, "I was trying to get your attention. I didn't mean anything by it, Yaya-sen-"

I had leaned forward towards her face, causing her to stop talking. We were close enough that our breaths mingled together, and I stared into her eyes. 'Tannish,' I thought, 'with golden flecks here and there.' I smiled devilishly, not realizing Tsubomi's facial expression until it was too late.

"EWWWWWW!"

I jumped back from Tsubomi, which didn't make a difference as I was sitting on a bench. Rubbing my lips vigorously with my hand, I shot her a venomous glare. "What the hell was that for!"

"I-It w-wasn't on p-pu-purpose, I swear!" She sputtered out, face as red as a tomato.

Deciding it was time to have some fun, I leaned forward again and gently took each of her hands in one of my own. I marveled at the smoothness of her skin, and reminded myself for the nth time to ask what kind of lotion she used. 'Whoa, Yaya,' I thought, 'Getting way ahead of yourself. Just concentrate...' I pulled her closer, hearing her gasp out 'Yaya-senpai'. My smile returned, bigger and more evil than before. Slowly but surely, I led her face towards mine, making a beeline for her lips, slightly wet and tantalizing... Then I suddenly changed course for her neck, and nuzzled there a bit before placing my lips on a more exposed part of her neck, forming a seal, and sucking as hard as I could.

Her reaction was not what I expected. "Uuuuunnghh - Yaya-senpai..." she moaned loudly, arching her back and pushing her neck further into my mouth.

'Ehhhh, what the hell!' I thought frantically. People are not supposed to feel pleasure from hickeys. I know I didn't. Unless... her neck was her sensitive spot. Upon that thought, I grinned through the hickey that Tsubomi was receiving. Breaking the seal, I licked the hickey gently before moving to another spot on her neck and giving her another hickey. This time, Tsubomi barely stifled her scream, instead letting out a strangled moan. I let go suddenly and swiftly, effectively cutting of Tsubomi's source of pleasure (albeit a weird source, but a source nonetheless).

I sat back happily and licked my lips slowly. 'Mmmm... creamy, smooth skin - a little sweaty though,' I thought mischeviously. Looking up at Tsubomi, I immediately broke into uncontrollable laughter. Her expression resembled that of a four year old that just got her favorite doll taken away. 'Priceless,' I thought with mirth.

"Yaya-senpai, what was that for?" she whined. I just kept laughing.

After I got over my laughing spree, I remembered something. "Tsubomi, didn't you have something important to tell me?"

She looked dumbfounded for a second, then brightened. "Yeah! I was going to ask for the reason you're not going to Saintly Chorus rehearsal. It's extremely irresponsible! It doesn't help that you are our lead alto, Yaya-senpai. It is your duty to co-come t-to...our..."

She blushed and stopped talking immediately when I leaned forward again. 'Ahah! Something's definitely up with Tsubomi... she keeps blushing,' I thought. "So... you were worried about me? Hmmm? Tsubomi-chan?" I tilted my head slightly, trying to look puzzled yet teasing at the same time.

When she heard this, her expression turned from angry to mortified in a split second. "Me, worried about you?" she scoffed. "Yeah, right, like that'll ever happen. I'm just telling you this for the sake of the Saintly Chorus, not you, Yaya-senpai."

'Damn. Some people never change,' I thought wryly. I glanced at Tsubomi. "Well, it's late. Let's get back to the Strawberry Dorms; I think we can make it for dinner."

Upon hearing that, she changed her demeanor immediately. "D-do you w-want m-me to c-come w-with you?" Her face was slightly flushed, and she fidgeted nervously from foot to foot.

I laughed for the second time, glad that I was able to forget Hikari for some time, with Tsubomi's help, of course. "Of course, silly!" I smiled my first real smile for weeks. "What, do you think I'm going to leave a cutey pie girl like you here all alone to get taken advantage of?" I winked at her.

She turned away from me and started walking along the path to the dormitories, but I saw the intense blush on her face before she had hidden it from me. I shook my head, still feeling the smile on my face as I turned to follow her.

Hikari's POV

'Where is Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan?' thought worriedly.

I was sitting at my usual spot on the Spica table - between Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan, who were the only people absent from the table. She was worried something happened to them, no... I was worried something happened to Yaya-chan. Sure, we had made up after Yaya-chan's mistake - no, accident - but I ended up avoiding Yaya-chan for a while. Or was it the other way around? Either way, I wasn't sure...

I always thought Yaya-chan liked someone, but I never thought she would mistake me for her. Unless... no. Hikari-san, that is one depraved thought. Yaya-chan is only a friend, my best friend.

My thoughts were interrupted as a pair of students came in the dining hall laughing. I looked up, and there she was - Yaya-chan! I immediately started to stand to greet her, but something stopped me. I felt a little uneasy; I hadn't talked to her in over 6 weeks. It was really my fault - I felt a little guilty for spending so much time with Amane-senpai, but Yaya-chan understands. Right?...

As Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan made their way over to where I was sitting, I noticed some new things about her. She was thinner; was she eating properly? Her skin a little paler than usual, and her hair was a little unkempt - probably she hasn't brushed it in a while. She had deep bags under her eyes, but she had attempted to cover them with a little make-up. Her smile was the newest addition; I had never seen a smile that could be so big, yet contain so much hurt. I wondered again whether something had happened to Yaya-chan...

I made up my mind. Standing up, I decided then that I would repair our friendship, no matter what it took. I attempted to put a smile on my face, took a deep breath, and waited...

Yaya's POV

The entire walk with Tsubomi to the dining hall was the best twenty minutes of the past six weeks of my life. I was finally able to put Hikari out of my perverted mind for a bit; that little bit of time made a difference. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders - like maybe I could finally be okay with losing Hikari to Amane. My smile became wider, if that was possible.

For the first time, I actually got along with Tsubomi. I had a normal, engaging, hilarious conversation with her, and it felt completely natural. "I think I can do this," I thought. I laughed just for the sake of laughing, and Tsubomi laughed along with me. I was the happiest person on the world in that moment - the moment I had decided that Hikari was lost to me forever, and I had to move on.

Finally arriving at the dining hall entrance, we walked straight in, still laughing like there was no tomorrow. We stopped laughing immediately, but the smile was still on my face. Surveying the crowd of students, we quickly located our seats and walked over - well, Tsubomi did. But the moment I saw Hikari again, my self-confidence in my choice came crashing down.

'I'm helpless... again,' I thought humorlessly. 'She looks different...' She looked taller, and held herself higher; she looked even cuter than before if that was possible. I'd even call her beautiful, but that's not really a word I like using. I looked at her hands, slightly curled into fists out of anger or determination, I wasn't sure which (I hoped it was the first). My eyes grazed over her body, taking in her graceful curves and angles. I guess she noticed, becuase she wiggled her butt in the most enticing way; to say the least, it got my attention all right. She giggled nervously; I finally got the courage to look up at her face. 'Damn... there's no way out now, Yaya,' I thought. I ran my eyes over her lips, slightly pouted; her cheeks with a little blush present; and finally, her eyes, the blue sapphire orbs that had captivated me in their innocence the first time I saw them. I couldn't look away; they were like pools of crystal cool water, yet I felt on fire when gazing into them.

I didn't know what to say; what could I have said? I hadn't seen her in six weeks, and that's an amazing feat considering we were roommates. I had woken up early and left the room early, eaten dinner alone and sleeping early just to put us apart. I didn't mean for our friendship to drift apart; I just felt that we both needed time to think about what happened. I needed consolation and punishment; she needed comfort and assurance. I had spent the next six weeks after the incident by myself, in my own cocoon of silence and loneliness. She... well, she had Amane. And... if Amane makes my Hikari happy, then Amane it is.

'Damn,' I thought for the third time today, 'Did I just say "my Hikari"?' Well, no matter.

I searched her face for any resemblance of emotion; anger, hate, regret, uneasiness, I looked for them all. But all I saw was relief, and happiness; what did I do that made it so that seeing me would create these emotions? Certainly not that accident.

Seeing her happiness and relief assured me that she didn't hate me. But, was she still scared of me? I put the softest and warming smile that I could on my face. "Hello, Hikari," I smiled gently.

Upon hearing this, she opened her arms wide and said just as softly, "Hello, Yaya-chan."

I interpreted this gesture as a want for a hug, and I moved in for one. The moment I made contact with her skin, she gasped and shrunk back a little. 'Just as I thought,' I thought dissapointedly. I made to let her go, and she pushed herself back a little and clutched at herself.

I smiled again to hide the hurt, but I'm not sure I succeeded, as Hikari made as if to apologize. "Yaya-chan, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

I just shook my head and said, "It's nothing. Come on, let's sit down and eat; everybody is looking at us." Sure enough, most, if not all, of the room was staring in our direction. Hikari, seeing this, blushed furiously, and promptly sat down and stared at her hands. I giggled a little, but it wasn't real; I was getting that feeling of emptiness again. Cursing at myself for having this run-in with Hikari, I sat down and spent the remainder of dinner trying not to look at Hikari and staring at Tsubomi to get all thoughts of Hikari out of my mind. 'Ugh... dinner's going to be a bitch,' I thought morosely, and steeled myself for the next agonizingly painful hour.

to be continued...

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Author's note: LOL. I honestly didn't mean for the story to turn out so... funny. xD It was supposed to be dark and emo and angsty, yet it turns into semi-fluff and emo-wannabe. :/ well, I guess that's what happens when you write without a plan. :) but i like it! please R&R! suggestions are very welcome, as I am not very imaginative(:


	2. Temptation and agony

Hey guys! It's Jana, finally(: I'm very sorry for taking so long to update :( I kinda slacked off for a while on my writing, because of finals and SAT's and such. But now that freshman year is over... that equals SUPER WRITING TIME! haha(:

Thanks for all those who reviewed; I really appreciate it, and I wanna tell you that it really helps me, seeing all those people reviewing. It keeps me motivated blah blah blah... I'm sure you've read this from someone else; but I really love it when someone leaves a review that both praises and tells me weak points in my writing. I, unlike others, greatly appreciate advice on how to write more fluidly and gracefully, and PLEASE DO IT WITH AN ACCOUNT, so I can message you(: I'll also try to reply to reviews, so that the reviewers will review again? ^.^

**Sony Ninja:** Thanks for reviewing! And from our messages, I've been working on chapter two of Forgotten, I just need to edit it now and post it.

**Mezzle-waffle:** OMG really! That just made my day(: thanks for reading and reviewing! haha, I don't think my writing is that emotional, but if you say so :D that makes me happy!

**Major Mike Powell III:** Thanks(: I really like that you left a review with suggestions and pointers. I've read plenty of your stories, and I wish my style could be a little more descriptive and fluid :( but no matter how hard I try, I just cant seem to get the essence of describing in minute detail. AGggggggghhh D: As for bashing, maybe in a crackfic. LOL I might have some fillers in this story, with like Nagisa and Tamao. when you read this chapter, youll understand where im going to do the fillers ;) AND GOMENASAI! I made this series into a Mature rated one again :( I just thought that it would help the story along and give it more room to grow. tell me what you think!

**Karai-san:** haha(: I just did! And thank you very much for reviewing, even though it was only one word.

**Redline57:** Thanks a lot! I don't get a lot of compliments on my writing style; some perceive it as a little choppy in terms of plot flow. In this story, I'm really trying for a Yaya that has been recently hurt and accordingly has shrunk into her own little world of solitary confinement for recovery; but she breaks that armor quickly, because Hikari comes back and makes amends. Something like that...

**Navi Starfire: **THANKS VERY MUCH! haha(: I'm sure you can write very well. I didn't think I could write at all before this; I kept saying that others could do so much better. But I finally got the courage (and got out of my laziness LOL) to attempt a story, and out popped this. I'm really glad you liked it(: HOPE YOU LIIKE THIS CHAPTER TOO!

Oh yeah. a **WARNING!** this story is now rated Mature, as there is now sexual content. I'm sorry for those who get offended, I just really felt it was necessary for the plot in order to open up new pathways this story could take. It also adds a new element to Yaya's character, something I'll reveal later(: It's something I've always wanted in a good plot story, even though it is pretty much smut. but yeah. smut+a good plot = the best story ever(:

Enjoy(: and REVIEW, PLEASE!

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Temptation and agony

Yaya

I woke with the worst headache I've ever had in my entire life.

Groaning in pain, I struggled to pry my eyelids open. Squinting at my bedside clock, I read the time: "3 A.M." Cursing myself for drinking so much last night, I rolled off the bed and staggered to my desk, where a bottle of aspirin lay just for this purpose. I downed two pills, quaffed a gallon of water, and eased my head gently back onto the bed, wincing as the rest of my body followed and jolted my head momentarily. I relaxed, letting the aspirins take their effect.

Sighing dejectedly, I turned onto the other side of my body, only to be met with the wonderful sight of Hikari nearly spread eagle, the blanket just barely covering her womanhood. I stared for a few minutes, getting my fill of eye candy until she unfortunately shifted her leg in her sleep. I groaned at my predicament; 'Just my luck that Hikari is so nice,' I thought. Dammit, why was she trying so hard to repair our friendship? Did she feel guilty for something she did to me?

She mumbled something and shifted again, this time arching her back and pushing her chest out before falling down onto the bed with a mutter and a squirm. 'Oh shit, she's not wearing anything,' I whispered, mortified and aroused at the same time. I was mesmerized by the sight - her breasts had grown quite a bit since last time I saw them, and perky too. Her nipples stood erect and proud, making me wonder what kind of dream she was having.

Eventually, I turned away in embarrassment, not something I usually do. I don't know why... being in love with Hikari does things to people. I felt the raging blush on my cheeks, wishing I had the courage to calm the fire in my body; I shifted and felt a muscle in my thigh twitch, almost uncomfortably close to "home"...

Wait. Why was she naked? She always sleeps in those horrid yellow pajamas given to her from Amane (which is why they were so horrible looking, she has the worst taste in clothing). Had something happened last night? Damn, thanks to the sight of Hikari's boobs I forgot already. Oh yeah, why the hell was I drunk and hungover?

Oh yeah. Something definitely happened last night...

_"Welcome!"_

_Tamao-chan's bright and smiling face greeted us at her and Nagisa-chan's dorm room door. She was dressed in her usual sleep attire, and as I could see from Nagisa-chan sitting on the bed behind her, Nagisa-chan was too. I was dressed in something different from my usual red butterfly-print shirt and short shorts - those clothes reminded me too much of my mistake. Instead, I sported an old white tank top and plain white panties; the top was way too tight for a bust my size, but it was all I could find in my current mindset. I hoped fervently that it wouldn't tear in front of all my friends (aka Hikari)._

_I attempted to give Tamao-chan a smile, but all that came out was a pained grimace. Hikari did better, achieving a smile and a cute little giggle, making an innocent comment about Tamao-chan's shirt being unbuttoned at the top. Tamao-chan blushed and closed her hand over her throat area, stepping aside to let Hikari and I in. Nagisa-chan rose from her sitting position on the bed, giving Hikari a little hand wave before turning to me and gasping. "Yaya-chan, your... y-your ch-chest - "_

_Dumbfounded, I glanced down and gasped myself. Rebelliously and against my better wishes, my breasts were slowly inching out of the top of the fabric, forcing the top seam under them. Wondering why I hadn't felt them moving, I reached up to attempt a push back in, but I was too late; with a tremendous tearing sound, the front of the tank top ripped down the middle, and my breasts popped out victoriously and bounced a bit before settling._

_I just stood there, surprised to say the least, until Hikari took action. Blushing furiously, she grabbed a nearby bathrobe (presumably from Tamao-chan or Nagisa-chan's shower) and pushed it towards me with both her hands; unfortunately for her and for me, she misjudged the distance between her hands and my chest, basically slamming me into the dorm room door with each of her hands on one of my breasts. Basically, something along the lines of what I did to her that day..._

_I was scared and turned on at the same time. I had always liked rough play, and rough play with the one I loved was the best, even if she was blissfully unaware of it. A nerve tripped, and a sharp but pleasant sensation lanced up my spine and sizzled where my heart was. I gasped slightly and felt my knees give before regaining balance; this jolted Hikari out of her reverie. She blushed even more, if that was possible, and stuttered, "G-Gomenasai, Yaya-chan! I didn't think th-that..." _

_I just straightened up, attempted a teasing face, and picked up the bathrobe where it laid on the ground and put it on. I didn't bother to tie it; it didn't go all the way around anyways, so I just left it covering my nipples. 'I knew wearing that tank top was a bad idea. I could hear seams ripping while putting it on; what was I thinking?' I thought._

_*knock knock knock*_

_I heard all four of us sigh audibly, the arrival of new guests breaking the awkward moment created by my bad clothes choice. This time, Hikari ran to the door and opened it. Outside was none other than the fiery pinkette, Tsubomi-kouhai, and the shy librarian and room temp, Chiyo-chan._

_"Welcome, Tsubomi-chan, Chiyo-chan!" Hikari exclaimed happily, a little too happily I might add._

_"Hello, Hikari-senpai!" Tsubomi chirped. Kami-sama, what an annoying voice. How was I enjoying talking to her again? Maybe I had some memory problem due to starving myself._

_Chiyo-chan looked as small and insignificant as ever. "H-Hello, Yaya-senpai and Hikari-senpai."_

_Tsubomi barged in the doorway without waiting for Hikari to step aside, while Chiyo-chan followed timidly. Tsubomi looked around at all our blushing faces, eyes finally coming to rest on the bathrobe hanging from my shoulders, barely hiding anything from plain view. She gasped lightly at this, and looked away. I smirked, thinking that she was jealous, but then remembered the walk befote dinner when she was acting weird too... I pushed the thoughts away. They could wait._

_Breaking the silence, Tamao-chan stood and clapped her hands together. "Alright, now that everyone's here, let's get the, uh, "tea" party started, shall we?"_

_Chiyo-chan perked up. "Hai! I'll get the teacups and water ready, Tamao-onee-sama!"_

_Tamao-chan then giggled the scariest giggle she's ever uttered; I had honestly never thought she was capable of producing such sounds. "Hehe... Chiyo-chan, there's no need for teacups tonight, just water and some glasses will do."_

_Chiyo-chan tilted her head, confused. Tamao-chan then laughed a bone-chilling laugh. Still chuckling, she reached under her bed and pulled out a fairly large black box, labeled "For special occasions... ;D". She patted the box, turning to us with a sinister smile. "I decided that since today is the first day in six weeks that we've had a full tea party with all the usual people present, we should celebrate... with a little something something."_

_Turning back to the box, she pulled the lid off with a flourish. Her smile widened at our expressions - well, the others expressions, as I was quite familiar with the joys and pains of alcohol, particularly with what Tamao-chan had in the box: sake, and lots of it._

_I actually smiled. 'Maybe this is my chance... to rid myself of old pains... and new ones too.'_

_"Tamao-chan, I'd like a shot first, if that is okay with you," I said, and giggled a little at the thought of getting drunk to relieve heartaches. Hmmm, that's a first for me._

_"Of course, Yaya-chan," said Tamao-chan, while pouring me a shot glass._

_I snatched the glass from Tamao-chan's hand, grinned wickedly, and yelled out "Cheers!" Tipping the glass back, I downed the shot in one gulp. I gasped at the sensation of the heavy liquor hitting the bottom of my stomach, and gasped again when I immediately started feeling the effects of the alcohol. My head became light, and my body immediately heated up a couple degrees. 'Damn, Tamao-chan, you really love your liquors strong...'_

_I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds, enjoying the weight-lifting-from-my-shoulders effect of the sake. After a bit, I peeled my eyelids open to find everyone staring at me, except for Tamao-chan, who was downing her own shot glass (like an expert!). I gave everyone else a challenging look, and turned to Tamao-chan. "Round two, please!"_

_Tamao-chan finished her shot and grinned, a hiccup escaping her lips. "One moment, Yaya-chan. Everyone else must try first... hehe."_

_She grabbed a bunch of glasses, pouring a shot for everybody. "Now, everybody. Time to drink!" _

_I lost track of events after that. Bits and pieces would flash in my mind suddenly, as clear as the starry sky; other parts were harder to recall. I remember grabbing glass after glass of sake, slamming one after another... The supply seemed endless. Tamao-chan produced a new bottle from seemingly nowhere every time the last one would empty. I saw Tsubomi blush when Chiyo-chan fainted and fell face first onto her chest and refused to be removed. I felt myself slowly loosing my inhibitions, laughing heartily __along with everyone else when someone told something funny, or just for no reason at all. The earlier feeling of being restricted by my will was gone, replaced by my true thoughts, actions, and feelings._

_I was freed from my self-restriction... and I didn't think it would bring any good._

_Tamao-chan, after a while, had stood back up with some difficulty. She swayed on the spot for a bit, then turned dramatically towards the wall clock. "Ahhhh, it's already twelve! Guys, I'm afraid you'll have to leave. Let's party next time, yeah? I got stuff to do."_

_With that last statement, she turned towards Nagisa-chan, who I had not noticed until now. She apparently had fainted from too much alcohol; whatever, I couldn't recall what happened to her, much less to me. My head pleasantly buzzing with the heavy sake, I swiveled my head and focused my eyes, with some difficulty, on Tamao-chan. "Issss ffaaaaiine, Taammaaooo. Me'n da hawt blon' chick over dere jus' gon' hit da hay, riiiigh', Hiiikarii..."_

_My head spun a little, and I put a hand out to steady myself. It made contact with something soft and strangely familiar. I heard Hikari gasp, and her felt her hand land on top of mine. Opening my eyes, I found my hand resting on her left breast. Raising my gaze slightly, I saw a fierce blush on her face from my action... or was it the alcohol?_

_Hikari then giggled and smiled, a small shy smile... the same smile I'd missed for the past six weeks. She pointed downwards, at my chest... that's when I realized that the bathrobe had slipped off, leaving me wearing only plain cotton panties. I laughed then, and attempted to get up and succeeded, pulling Hikari sharply up with me. I stood still, afraid that my balance would upset itself. When it didn't, I blurted out "Oyasuminasai!" to the remaining people and ran out the door as fast as my alcohol-infatuated body would let me._

_Finally arriving at our room, I yanked the door open and practically threw us in. Leaning on the back of the door with my body, I closed it and slumped down on the wooden floor. I gasped for breath, trying to stop my head from spinning; my entire body was pleasantly warm and my skin was sensitive to the touch._

_"Damn," I thought giddily, "I don't think I've ever drank enough for it to become a turn-on."_

_Shaking my head of those thoughts, I turned my head and saw Hikari undressing, wih her back turned to me. She apparently felt my hungry stare, as she turned around. With a furious blush on her cheeks and a tiny smile, she said, "Let's take a shower together, Yaya-chan."_

_Even with the alcohol, I was surprised. 'Does she want to make up that badly? I know I want to..." _

_I didn't know if I could control myself... but I had to. For Hikari's sake... I had to._

_We ended up in the shower with me standing in one corner and Hikari standing with her back to me about a foot away. She had her hands clasped on both sides of her thin, graceful body, her face tilted to the left side and the water running down her back. I watched with apprehension as she backed up slightly, bumping into my arms which were wrapped around my bust. I shivered at the touch, my body immediately heating up again._

_"Yaya-chan... let's be friends again."_

_I started. "But... but we already are."_

_"Why aren't you holding me like you used to? Afraid?" She said it quietly and with a sad tone; it wasn't mocking._

_"Watashi..." I turned my head ashamedly - ashamed at my feelings, and ashamed at my lack of self-control after all my hard work on it over the last six weeks. "I'm... I'm afraid of myself, Hikari."_

_My admission of what I was feeling was very uncharacteristic for me - I would usually hide it under a teasing word or two. But the sake really bared my true thoughts and actions, the stuff I usually kept so well hidden..._

_I suddenly felt Hikari slide against my body, causing my arms to fall and her back to grind on my exposed nipples, already swollen from the hot water. An extremely pleasurable, almost painful sensation lanced down from my nipples to my stomach and between my legs. Spots appeared in my vision; I steadied myself, and supported Hikari by her hips._

_I opened my mouth to speak again. "Hikari... do you care about our friendship this much?"_

_To my surprise, she answered with a light snort and a snore. 'She fell asleep... in the shower,' I thought wonderingly. The alcohol must have gotten to her. Momentarily forgetting about the accident seconds earlier, I switched off the water and got out of the shower, carrying Hikari bridal style. I laid her down on an open towel, drying her down as best as I could. I then carried her out to her bed and laid her down, pulling the covers up - but before I was finished, I caught myself staring at Hikari's skin... It was so smooth sliding against my - _

_The moment I had thought that, there was a sudden twinge in my inner thigh area and I gasped aloud. "Shit..."_

_I hobbled to the bathroom, still dripping with water and trying not to provoke my crotch area anymore. But against my better wishes yet again, the moment I closed my door, my pussy lips gave the biggest twinge yet. I yelped, falling to the cold tile floor in a doggie style, my blushing right cheek pressed to the smooth stone. My body suddenly felt on fire... what happened? I felt like I was no longer in control of my hands - they moved of their own accord._

_Snaking up from the ground, my right hand settled itself on my left breast, kneading it and pinching the nipple roughly. I tried to resist, but it felt like I wasn't - it was like my body wanted it, so it told my brain so. I knew I was the one doing it - yet I felt no sense of control; all I felt was the heat sensation permeating my entire body..._

_My left hand arrived at my nether regions, cupping my lips and feeling the wetness before promptly plunging two fingers as deep as they would go. I cried out in pain, but pleasure soon overcame the stinging sensation as my hand seemed to pound my pussy with as much force as possible. My eyes were almost closed, open a fraction of an inch; they contained nothing but pure lust and desire for pleasure. My mouth was wide open, a thin trail of saliva leaving the corner of my lips as I sucked in air rapidly. As I got into the rhythm, I slowly pushed back on my fingers, feeling them go deeper and loving every second. __Every time I thrusted in, my palm would crush my engorged clit, sending stingingly hot sensations deep into myself, causing me to scream out loud with the overwhelming desire for more. Over and over I orgasmed, my cunt leaking juice all over my hands and the tile; a puddle grew under me. I panted and moaned and screamed at the bombardment of these erotic sensations - what was happening? My hands were showing no signs of stopping; in fact, my body seemed to increase in sensitivity when my hands sped up theit actions. I was helpless in the hands of myself..._

_After a while, I lost sensation in my walls; my clit was slowly losing feeling too. I was finally slowing down, my hands grinding to a stop. Gasping for breath for the second time, I just lay there, in a puddle of my juices and saliva. I slowly tried to move my arms and found that I could move them, but they felt like jelly. I attempted to sit up; succeeding, I stood up on shaking legs and tried walking. It was the worst choice of my life. The movement caused my two pussy lips to crush my still swollen clit between them, creating the most powerful orgasm yet; my entire body was a blaze, electric signals shooting through my body, dissipating at my nipples and clit. I fell on my knees again, and grimaced... then laughed hoarsely. I had honestly never thought masturbation could be so intense... _

_I crawled with my arms only, slowly inching my way to my bed. Gathering my strength, I pulled myself up onto the bed, my body curling into a fetal position. Immediately, I slipped into unconsciousness._

_My last thought was, 'I hope Hikari didn't wake up from all the noise I made...'_

Hikari

I slowly peeled my eyes open; I saw Yaya-chan pull her self onto her bed. Immediately she fell asleep; I let my eyes open fully. It took a little longer than usual for my eyes to focus; It was the alcohol, I decided. I looked down and saw that I was naked; Yaya-chan was too. Oh yeah, we had taken a shower...

It was my idea. I blushed, honestly thinking that I would have normally never done something like that; that stuff was reserved for someone like Yaya-chan. I turned away from Yaya-chan, thinking about her more and more; two sides of me were battling each other. Yaya-chan's more-than-friendship, or Amane-senpai's love.

But the more I thought about it, the more I doubted the so-called-love of Amane-senpai. She isn't there for me when I really need her, or when I just want someone to talk to and relate to; the times I spent with her were filled with happiness, but they all seemed so surreal. I sighed mentally.

I felt my mind wander, thoughts of Yaya-chan and Amane-senpai floating through my hazy mind... eventually, the need for sleep overcame all others, and I lost myself to unconsciousness as I thought: 'Yaya-chan... is really beautiful...'

Yaya

Thinking back to all that happened last night, I was a little scared. Scared, because I had lost my emotion armor, the armor that had kept me from further heartbreak for six weeks, in one night; to lose something you've worked so hard to maintain is a sad loss, indeed...

I needed to toughen up. I needed that armor back, only stronger – and I think I knew a method...

It would hurt people, especially Hikari – but I hoped that she would understand my intentions, and respect that I was trying to give her room. She had Amane, after all.

_Itai_... it would hurt me too.

'Meh,' I scoffed mentally. Nothing I couldn't handle, right?

If only I knew then how wrong I was...

* * *

So. What did you guys think? I was thinking that for the next chapter, I'd make a love battle for Hikari or something. Just to keep the story flowin'. Any suggestions? Please review and suggest(: although your suggestions may or may not be used, I still appreciate ideas. They might spark new stories, who knows...

Also, I'm really sorry for having SOOOO many typos and grammatical errors in my first chapter DDDDDDD': I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I'll try harder this time to proofread. ^.^

Oh SHAAT I forgot the **DISCLAIMER!** kay, so I don't own anything and everything to do with the aforementioned copyrighted material, i.e. Strawberry Panic. There(:


	3. Empathy

Hey guys, it's been a while. I have no excuse for my absence, and I only hope that this chapter will make up for some of the pain you all have been suffering *coughcough*. Thanks for waiting, though; I never would have made it this far without your guys' support!

Hopefully, this chapter is a little better than the first two pieces of sh*t. lool. Quick warning though, strong language at the end. (honestly, though, if you've read this far you probably don't give a flying fuck.)

**Sony Ninja: **Thanks for reviewing! I know it's been a LONG time (I'M SORRY!) but thanks for waiting. Here it is, enjoy(:

**Karai-san: **Awww, it's okay though. This one actually has plot development. I promise you'll like this chapter.

**Major Mike Powell III: **Sir, yes, sir! I finally updated, Major. So I won't get punished, right? (:

**Mezzle-waffle: **It's what I do, hunny. It's what I do. (sounds even more perverted)

**kaizer20: **OMG I'm sorry, I didn't use your suggestion! :( I think it's a really good idea, and I have a couple ideas for something like that (in an upcoming oneshot, wait for it), but when I wrote this chapter it just felt right to use *someone else* you'll see. :D

**Redline57: **Thanks! And guess what. This chapter is overloaded with angst.

**Konata77: **It's only because of you precious reviewers that I still have the enthusiasm to write. THANK YOU!

**RapuRapu: **Well, and here's the superangst coming up. And did you change your name? :3 I was confused...

**To. You - From. Me: **Here you go, kind sir. Enjoy. (:

**Kaze Rei: **Aww, i'm sorry (again)! I wanted to use it, but somehow it changed... and I can't thank you enough for taking the initiative to PM me and talk to me(: You made me feel much better about writing/etc.! And I want to see you write something too! PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE? with vanilla on top?

**LovableChibi: **Thank you so much! Personally, I believe the first two are... well, you know. But you'll love this one. I promise?

Without further ado, here it is, the long awaited third chapter (suuuuree, like I actually have people who read this fail story).

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Strawberry Panic... I do own copies of the light novels though. (: And they are quite nice...

* * *

Chapter III: empathy

The sky was still dark. The forest surrounding the hill was silent, except for the light rustling of tree branches and leaves as the wind caressed them ever so slightly. The chill from the night was still present, permeating all that it touched, and a wet mist enveloped the atmosphere outside, giving the entire scene an almost surreal resemblance to the beginning of a fantasy adventure movie.

It was the cold that woke Yaya. After waking up in the middle of the night and taking aspirins for her splitting headache, she had slipped into a light slumber. The dorm's heating system was quite interesting, in its own way; whenever it turned on, the heat produced was nothing short of stifling, yet it never turned on at the appropriate time. _Like right now, _Yaya thought as she sat up slowly, her skin pricking with cold needles. She shivered suddenly, and hugged herself tightly.

Yaya sat like this for a while, not wanting to get up, while at the same time also wanting to do something so her thoughts couldn't get the chance to wander...

The chill got the better of her. She sighed and slid off her bed, creating a disgusting squelching sound. She made a face at the soaked sheets underneath her. _I forgot about those... I forgot about last night too._

Picking the sheets up, she walked into the bathroom and stuffed them into her laundry hamper. She shivered again, and suddenly felt the cold stickiness coating her inner thighs. The bathroom floor was in a similar state; but she didn't really care at the moment. _Clothes... where are my clothes?_

Yaya walked back into the room, scanning the floor for prospective clothes to wear. Finding none, she opened her wardrobe and pulled out one of her Spica uniforms. She contemplated it for a minute, then put it back in the dresser. _Too boring... and it's too cold for that ridiculously short skirt._ Another look into the wardrobe, and Yaya pulled out a black and white Gothic-style lolita blouse and skirt combo. It was something Minamoto Chikaru-san had given to her when she was in one of her many costume clubs; Chikaru had said that she looked stunning in it, but Yaya never like frilly, cutesy dresses like the one she was holding currently.

Yaya shrugged. _Fuck the uniform, then. Might as well try something new..._

She disrobed quickly, and fitted the complicated outfit on herself piece by piece. It was a little small on her now; the black skirt came down just below mid-thigh, and the white silk long sleeve top barely covered her stomach. More cleavage was showing than what would be called "acceptable" at an all-girls school like St. Spica.

Yaya shrugged at that thought. _Fuck the school too._

Out of all the schools in Japan – hell, in the world – she had to pick St. Spica Girl's Institute, one of the most well-known and prestigious schools in Japan, along with St. Miator and St. Lulim. Why she did probably revealed more of her inner character than anything else – Miator's uniforms were a monstrosity, and Lulim's uniforms were too cute and frilly for her (even though the dress she was wearing currently quite easily proved THAT wrong), so she picked the somewhat sexy uniform of Spica. And she'd be damned before she would admit that picking a school based on uniforms was blatantly superficial.

It was just her luck that an on-a-whim choice such as this landed her the love of her life.

One-sided love, that is. Completely and utterly one-sided...

_Yaya_

_Just my luck, huh?_

The black-and-white dress I was wearing was a little itchy near the nape of my neck; I constantly wanted to scratch it. I quickly found the source of my problems; a ribbon on the shoulder was brushing against my skin every time I took a step. I pushed it aside, and my neck stopped prickling uncomfortably.

I glanced at my alarm clock again. _4:55 AM. _What the hell is there to do at five in the morning?

_Hey hey hey, Yaya, it's time to forget now! _My inner voice chanted, over and over again.

Last night was wrong. Last night was something that shouldn't have happened. Last night... hell, last night didn't and _wouldn't _have happened, if I had my way.

_What was I thinking? What am I doing to Hikari? To Tsubomi? To Amane? To everyone around me?_

My emotions churned like ocean waves in a tropical storm, and I felt my heart set to burst with anticipation and nervousness. From what, I couldn't tell. I clenched my fists tightly, and clamped my eyes shut; I pushed hard inside, and I felt the waves calm to a gentle swaying.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring at Hikari's gently slumbering body; she was almost curled into a fetal position, and she breathed lightly, her breath rushing in and out of her lungs. The sound rang in my ears every time she breathed. I was mesmerized as I watched her sleep.

Suddenly, her breath hitched. Mine hitched with hers. It came out again, slowly this time, and I heard a name float from her pale, pink lips.

"Yaya-chan..."

Tears sprang unbidden to my eyes. I hastily rubbed them away with the back of my hand, and felt my cries choke as I did. Attempting not to make any more noise than I already had, I grabbed my schoolbag from the foot of my bed and my drawing utensils from my desk. Swiftly, but silently, I opened the room door and stepped outside. Hikari muttered again, turning in her sleep as she did so.

I turned my head and closed the door; I felt my last true connection with Hikari end with it.

_I hate myself. _For some reason, I found this thought extremely funny, and I started grinning dementedly. The tears kept coming, and they wouldn't stop; I couldn't help feeling like I wasn't _me _anymore. _Yaya doesn't cry, Yaya doesn't cry... _I repeated this over and over, a mantra I couldn't forget.

Forcefully stifling my cries and furiously rubbing my tears away, with an insane smile plastered on my face, I strode down the dark hall, away from Hikari and away from my mistake.

_I'll watch from afar, Hikari. I'm never gonna let myself go again. Never._

_This is what you wanted… right?_

_Hikari_

I woke up to a stifling heat. It felt nice, for a change; the heater rarely worked in our room. _It must be a good sign. _I smiled; this day was off to a good start.

Looking over at Yaya-chan's desk, her alarm clock read 9:30 AM. Something about that time was important, but I wasn't sure what; I couldn't quite remember. I shrugged. Might as well let this good day unfold itself.

I lay in the same position for a while, letting the heat slowly warm me up. I stared unblinkingly ahead as my thoughts wandered, inevitably settling on the events of last night.

_What happened?_

The first question that popped up in my head was just that. What really happened? _Why _did it happen? Did I make it happen? Did Yaya want it to happen? What was I thinking about when I asked her to take a shower with me... And how did I even end up in my bed after the shower? I shivered suddenly, despite the heat.

_What if Yaya-chan did something... no, no, Hikari, she would NEVER do those things. Ever. But, still... that one time..._

The incident was still crystal clear in my mind; I always knew it happened, but I was split upon how to feel about it. I could never forget the feelings running through my body then, the feelings that Yaya-chan had made me feel so intensely and passionately I couldn't have let them continue...

_I knocked on my room door; for some reason I felt that it was appropriate after my date with Amane-sempai. I was still all nervous and giddy from the date; I realized my heart was beating quite fast and my cheeks were hot to the touch. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself a little._

"_Come in! Dozo!" Yaya-chan's ever-cheerful voice called me in. I smiled at this._

"_Yaya-chan!" I ran over to her and hugged her. I couldn't help myself; and besides, Yaya-chan doesn't mind. Letting go of her for now, I reached into my pocket to get something I had been saving for Yaya-chan._

"_Ne, Hikari..." Yaya-chan hesitated a little, but said, "How was your date with Amane-sama?"_

_I grinned widely. "It was great! I had so much fun!" Then, I offered her an object bound in my blue silk hankerchief. "Yaya-chan... thank you. Arigato. I couldn't have done it without you... so thank you. This is just something I found on the beach. Here!" I opened the handkerchief, revealing a shimmering, delicate sakura shell inside._

_Yaya-chan seemed dumbfounded, even awestruck. I laughed inwardly, happy that I could make my best friend so lost for words. The moment of happiness I felt then was the last one I'd feel in six weeks..._

_Time seemed to slow to a crawl as Yaya-chan closed her hands over mine, both our hands caressing the shell. Her hands slid up my arms and stopped at my shoulders. I was a little bit unsettled when I saw the look on Yaya-chan's face; she was so serious. Her deep amber eyes, gazing into me, felt for the first time like they were showing their true feelings._

_Every second I counted found Yaya-chan's face inch closer to mine; every moment seemed more surreal then the previous one. I stopped breathing somewhere along the way, I couldn't remember when..._

_What exactly happened?_

_Yaya-chan's lips pressed onto mine. Like rose petals gliding over a water surface, her lips did the same to mine; just touching, then sliding mind-numbingly across. A shock ran down my body as she repeated the motion, and I felt my knees buckle slightly. I felt her arms encircle me, preventing me from falling, and she pulled me tight against her body. My eyes widened in surprise when her tongue slipped past my lips, and I felt a bolt of pure lightning lance up my back as she explored my mouth. Each caress of her hot, wet tongue brought another wave of heat over my sensitive parts. It was too much to handle at once..._

_I wasn't resisting, and Yaya-chan took this as compliance. She pushed me against the wardrobe, but I didn't feel the pain of my back thumping against the hard wood. All I could consciously feel at that moment was her lips connected with mine as she lovingly traced every contour of my mouth, over and over. I wanted that moment to last forever._

_Suddenly, her hand grasped my chest and kneaded it roughly, and I felt her other snake down, forcefully cupping squeezing my behind. This action somehow broke through my haze, and the kiss didn't feel that good anymore. Frantic now, I brought my hands up, attempting to push Yaya-chan away. She didn't move, but when I turned my head to the side to break the kiss, she seemed to lose face, and she fell to the floor._

_I didn't know what to say. What was there to be said? I liked the kiss... no, more like I loved it._

_That scared me more than anything else. So I did the one thing that seemed logical at the time._

_I pushed her away. I pushed Yaya-chan away._

Thinking back on the incident, I was glad I had forgiven Yaya-chan... and myself. I couldn't have gone on knowing that Yaya-chan was hurt as she was, and remembering her utterly heartbroken expression upon her delicate face was too much for me to handle.

At that moment, my phone decided to ring loudly, shaking me out of my reverie violently. I picked it up, and saw Amane-sempai's number.

Uh oh...

_I have a date with Amane-sempai! And I'm late! REALLY late!_

I jumped out of bed and rushed to my wardrobe, hastily shuffling the clothes around to find something suitable for a weekend excursion with a girlfriend – no, with a really good friend. I blushed, embarrassed to even have thought Amane-sempai as a girlfriend.

After swiftly disrobing and slipping in my favorite yellow sundress, I grabbed my purse off my desk and rushed out the door. I looked back quickly, thinking that Yaya-chan might be worried when I'm not there when she gets back. But the thought passed quickly, and I shut the door and walked down the hall quickly, anxious to meet with Amane-sempai.

_Yaya_

The wind picked up again after its momentary retreat and blew through the trees and the grass, making the scene quite peaceful and relaxing as the branches swayed gently in the breeze and the fields flowed like ocean waves. I shivered slightly, my risque outfit not offering any resistance to the air that moved around me. Again, the bit of lace at my neck prompted me to reach up and scratch it, and I scowled a bit, annoyed.

I had been walking through the fields and forests surrounding the schools on Astraea Hill for at least a couple hours. I didn't really know what I was doing, but strolling the worn dirt paths felt really refreshing. The slightly stirring air was fresh from the coastal mist, and dew still coated the grass. I wanted to capture the moment as something I'd actually want to remember.

Glancing at my phone, I read the time. _Nine thirty, _I thought. Plenty to time to continue strolling.

With nothing to do in mind, I continued walking down the path, feeling a little giddy at a newfound freedom. _I should have these walks more often. _I laughed out loud, and the sound carried out through the trees. I heard squawking in the distance, and I watched as a small family of birds took off into the late morning sky.

Watching the birds fly away made me feel something. Jealousy? They could escape as far away as they wanted with their wings. Not like me, stuck forever in a loveless situation. "I wish I could fly," I grumbled aloud, sending my thoughts out into the air like I wanted someone would grant my desires.

"Me too."

I spun around at the unexpected voice, angry that I had been caught with my guard down. The anger faded immediately when I saw Tamao, but I was still a little peeved.

"Oh, Tamao. Were you following me?"

She giggled. "Maybe a little. Well, okay, I guess for a while now. You were kinda into your thoughts, so I didn't want to bother you... but what were you doing out so early? Five in the morning, if I recall?"

I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion. "What the hell were YOU doing at five in the morning? Woke up just to stalk me? I feel... special." I tried hard to sound condescending, but of course it came out half-heartedly.

"I was looking for a good spot to write," she explained softly. "I couldn't sleep, so... I thought I could get some thoughts on paper. You?"

I turned my head away, a little embarrassed. "I was going to find a good place to draw."

She looked surprised. "My, Yaya-chan, you can draw?"

"Tch," I scoffed nonchalantly. "I guess I don't advertise my talents enough."

Again, she smiled. "Yes..."

Silence permeated the air for a couple minutes as we stared at each other, one contemplating the true reason of the other's early morning escapade. Finally, I sighed and turned around. I started walking again, but not before looking at her and saying, "Follow me. I know a good spot."

She smiled, but it was different this time. Smaller, but more sincere. "Thank you, Yaya-chan."

– - - - -

_Hikari_

While I was rushing down the dormitory stairs and out the building, a Sister stopped me and scolded me for my running. I readily agreed with everything she said, anxious to get to Amane-sempai. Finally, she let me go, and I took off running again, ignoring the Sister's calls.

Only when I was past the gate did I realize that I had forgotten my hat. _Uhhhh... should I get it? _Making up my mind, I turned back to the dormitory building. Suddenly, a laugh sounded through the forest, and I watched as birds flew up and out of the trees. Curious, I walked towards the sound, and voices became clear as I approached.

Rounding the bend, I was about to call out to the people talking, but suddenly they rounded the bend and I saw who they were. _Tamao-chan, and... Yaya-chan? What is she doing here? Why is she with Tamao-chan?_ I flushed at that thought, thinking that it wasn't any business of mine as to who Yaya-chan spent her time with. Ducking behind a bush quickly so they wouldn't see me, I watched as they walked together... HOLDING HANDS? My anger flared up suddenly, and I clenched my fists as tight as I could. _Why is my Yaya-chan holding hands with Tamao-chan?_

_Wait... what? MY Yaya-chan?_

My blush returned full force, and I retreated behind the bush. Holding my hands up to my face, I rubbed my burning hot cheeks, trying to calm myself down. _I feel weird... I feel really hot. _Shaking my head a couple times to try and clear it of straying thoughts, I peered above the bush.

I sighed in relief. "They're gone..."

_I need to get to Amane-sempai. Now._

I took off running again, thoughts of Yaya-chan plaguing my mind.

_Yaya_

We continued walking down the path towards my destination, a place on Astraea Hill that only I knew about. Tamao's hand was in mine. I glanced sidelong at her, and our eyes met; she blushed and looked away. Grinning, I did a mental fist pump, happy that my knack for embarrassing people wasn't just for show.

Well... I think I can take it a little further. My grin stretched even wider at what I was going to do next.

"Tamao..."

She flinched, as if someone had hit her. "Yaya-chan... have you been calling me without honorifics?"

"Hmmmm..." I replied nonchalantly. "I guess. What's wrong with that, _Tamao_?" I emphasized her name, drawing it out and ending it with a giggle.

She turned to me, trying to look angry, but only succeeded at blushing more and looking away. "Mou, Yaya-chan... you're so cruel!"

I stopped then, and felt a little miffed. "Tamao, don't take it so seriously..."

Tamao smiled a little and said, "It's okay. I know that this is the way you deal with these things."

Her words immediately struck a chord within me, and I looked away quickly and started walking briskly again. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I felt the smile in her voice, even though I wasn't looking. "Don't try and hide it from me, Yaya-chan. I'm not as dense as Nagisa-chan or Hikari-chan."

"Hikari isn't dense! She's just..."

"Dense."

Growling, I retorted, "Oh yeah? Well, what's with you and Nagisa, huh? Don't give me bullshit about this either because I didn't."

Her smile was pained this time. "She's happy, and that's all I care about."

Tamao's response infuriated me. _Happy? HAPPY? Fucking bullshit. _"You don't give a shit about that and you know it."

"It doesn't matter," she said softly. "Nagisa-chan doesn't need me. And it seems..."

"Hikari doesn't need me either..." I barely choked down the first sobs, but after that I couldn't hold it in. I felt Tamao's arms encircle me in a protective embrace, but I heard her heartbroken cries as well. We fell to the ground, both sobbing and crying and holding on to one another as if we would never see each other again. I buried myself in her, and she did the same. It felt good, letting go for once...

_This will be enough. For now._


End file.
